To the man I call my father,
Remember how you complained about Maasa having an opinion of her own? Remember all those times you came home drunk? Or abused Maasa? I hid behind the door and watched you, horrified. I had silently caressed her bruises. She had smiled, hiding tears.
Remember all those school functions you missed? All the awards of mine you broke in your fit of rage, mixed with the intoxication of whatever you took? And all the time you cursed me because I did Mom's house chores? How you taunted, I will end up being a house husband. How you taunted, my career decision. All the criticism you have had when I raised my voice against marital rape? Was that your encouragement? I am obliged.
All the time, I had been jealous of my friends who had fathers like friends. Often, I read quotes on how a girl wants a guy like her father. And I shudder at the mere idea of it. I don't want that for Munni. She is just like Maasa, warm and gentle.
You made me hate men, being a man myself. You made me dread relationships as the worst nightmare every time mom forces a smile when you hold her hand at a party. Then, I am glad Nita changed it for good. She changed by fear into strength with love. I never dared to tell her what's wrong between us and why I never go home. Perhaps the fear remained in me, what if I had the same demons? What if I hurt her?
You pretend things are normal between us. With a call or a text. Well, it's not. It never was. Even when you woke up every year to a card and a cake with a Happy Father's Day.
Not every father is a father figure. Last year's Father's Day card only had Munni's name, not mine. Did you notice that? Or you felt the boy forgot because he got a wife? That year, I was happiest to have gifted something to the one who had always been my father. Maasa finally has a house to her name, one to call her home. Perhaps someday I can face you and tell how much you have bruised us. With your affairs and alcohol. How I cried in the bathroom when Nita showed me her pregnancy reports. How scared I was to become a father. She says I made Maasa proud. Her boy will always be her man.
Maybe I did. I wish to do more.
Taking the baby in my arms today, I have goals set ahead of me, the moment I saw that innocent face. I will NEVER be a father like my father was. That's my goal. I will be the Knight in Shining Armour.
Sincerely, the new father of a Daughter.
Remember how you complained about Maasa having an opinion of her own? Remember all those times you came home drunk? Or abused Maasa? I hid behind the door and watched you, horrified. I had silently caressed her bruises. She had smiled, hiding tears.
Remember all those school functions you missed? All the awards of mine you broke in your fit of rage, mixed with the intoxication of whatever you took? And all the time you cursed me because I did Mom's house chores? How you taunted, I will end up being a house husband. How you taunted, my career decision. All the criticism you have had when I raised my voice against marital rape? Was that your encouragement? I am obliged.
All the time, I had been jealous of my friends who had fathers like friends. Often, I read quotes on how a girl wants a guy like her father. And I shudder at the mere idea of it. I don't want that for Munni. She is just like Maasa, warm and gentle.
You made me hate men, being a man myself. You made me dread relationships as the worst nightmare every time mom forces a smile when you hold her hand at a party. Then, I am glad Nita changed it for good. She changed by fear into strength with love. I never dared to tell her what's wrong between us and why I never go home. Perhaps the fear remained in me, what if I had the same demons? What if I hurt her?
You pretend things are normal between us. With a call or a text. Well, it's not. It never was. Even when you woke up every year to a card and a cake with a Happy Father's Day.
Not every father is a father figure. Last year's Father's Day card only had Munni's name, not mine. Did you notice that? Or you felt the boy forgot because he got a wife? That year, I was happiest to have gifted something to the one who had always been my father. Maasa finally has a house to her name, one to call her home. Perhaps someday I can face you and tell how much you have bruised us. With your affairs and alcohol. How I cried in the bathroom when Nita showed me her pregnancy reports. How scared I was to become a father. She says I made Maasa proud. Her boy will always be her man.
Maybe I did. I wish to do more.
Taking the baby in my arms today, I have goals set ahead of me, the moment I saw that innocent face. I will NEVER be a father like my father was. That's my goal. I will be the Knight in Shining Armour.
Sincerely, the new father of a Daughter.
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