Am I Brave Enough?

You come home with scars and pain 

Yet I know your heart never heals, 

With my most skillfully made balms; 

The scars of betrayal by your own 

You have learnt to live with and grown, 

What else could you do?

Yet every time I promise to be brave 

Smile through your goodbye 

Trying to fight back my tears 

For the sake of a title that weighs 

While you ride away to the horizon 

I wish I were as brave as you.

You say I give you the will to come home 

After every battle, big or small, 

You win or lose, it doesn't matter 

You will always be a hero in my eyes.

But there are times when no news arrives 

For days, weeks, and months 

Some say the troops are moving 

Others report them losing 

Some say you went missing 

And all I can do is pray harder 

For I am not as brave as you, 

To pick up the sword and lose my honour; 

But am I as brave as you? 

You can rise from losses and win 

You say I am your strength. 

But every time I embrace you. 

My hands tremble in fear; 

What if this is the last?

How can I be your strength?

I always fear, pray and panic. 

For I am not as brave as you.

If you lose a battle, you fight another 

If I lose, I will forever be the mourner 

Because in my heart, as selfish as it may seem 

The only thought that comes every evening, 

Over the motherland, soldiers and sons, 

As I pray with trembling hands is:

"What if I lost you?"

Now will you call me as brave as you?

© Suranya