Guilt trip

 I walk through a busy street in my city,

Faces around me, some tense and some in a hurry.

Some having conversations with a smile,

A blush, a laugh or a bluff.

Domes and arches, red bricked and scarred.

The scorching sun over my head,

Overwhelms me beyond distress.

I feel like I can't breathe, not a tree in sight 

Whose shades I can use to rest.

Concrete highrises provide me no respite.

I look up at the scarce clouds,

With no sign of rains, I curse inwardly

And resume my journey again.

You caused this, says a voice in my head.

The machines, the buildings, everything in between

You can't breathe for your own deeds. 

Its up to you, not me, Mother Nature screams.

The rivers are drying up, water scarce

The guilt hits suddenly as I enter the air conditioned building

The suffocating feeling leaves me cool slowly

Yet I am engulfed in another guilty inkling.

In between our soggy paper straws, brown papers

Expensive cars and holiday jets,

Where do we draw the line

Between comfort, luxury and a better future?

~ Suranya

Side Character

 Have you given someone a character

In your story, only to realise 

You were not even a part of theirs?

Have they been a chapter in your life?

A lesson for your love?

Only to realise you were invisible to them?

How does it feel, Dear Shattered Heart, 

To be rejected time and again, 

By different people and the same circumstances?

They say you keep repeating a pattern 

Until you learn a lesson.

If this is a pattern, it's now become my way of life 

I have embraced it with grace, 

That I am this character in everyone's story 

Who is never significant to mention. 

Sometimes hidden away in embarrassment 

Sometimes, snooze till they get hurt again 

Most of the time, blissfully non-existent.

Do I not leave a mark? Do I not stir their hearts?

Who can say, if not they who claim, 

"I forgot what it felt like with you." 

And me? Naive, silly, romantic as I am. 

I play every conversation in my head 

Like a broken record that drowns my existence 

In need of their validation.

© Suranya

If I were Brave

Has this thought ever crossed your mind 

How things would have been had you been mine?

All the entangled feelings that bind
Suffocate and slowly die 

Would have disappeared just by 

That look, when your eyes met mine.

When you asked what I wanted from life 

Why could I not say "For you to be mine"?

You call me the bravest, yet I was not brave enough.

How I wish there had been no ties, 

No worldly attachments, no duties implied, 

I wish I had broken the shackles 

That kept me away from your shrine. 

No wars would keep our love apart; 

That was all I wanted for us. 

But I was not brave enough.

 I know you would not feel the same. 

"Dreams are like the past", you once said, 

"Always perfect, always happy, how easily 

We unsee the unjust, unpleasant, unruly."

Perhaps your divine intervention was true 

For all I remember from the past 

Is the day I met you.

Not a war won, nor a throne, nor praises 

But your eyes are talking to me in verses unsaid.

Tell me, had I been brave, 

Would you have chosen me back 

Accepted me with all your grace? 

Would you have let your feelings rule 

Or rebuked my naivety; 

Be angry at my audacity? 

To feel the unspeakable, 

Choose you, My Princess. 

But I wasn't brave enough.

So when I ride at dawn today, 

Knowing in my heart, 

I will never see you again, 

Do I see your eyes teary? 

Do you long to hug me as I do thee? 

Curse this world and its rules. 

As I pick up my sword for you, un-mourned 

Bleed to death, whispering your name 

Upon whom I submit my soul, beyond this game.

© Suranya

Bravest I Know!

 It's been years since I saw your smile 

The one that used to reach your eyes. 

Innocent questions amused me

As you would stare at me scornfully. 

Today you asked me if you were brave,

Oh, how could I ever tell you, 

You are the bravest I have ever met.

Yes, you do not yield my sword 

Yes, you don't fight for the cause 

Not in the traditional way.

But you, My Queen, have left your throne 

All the palace and adornments alone 

Just to be my strength in war.

Who is as brave as you, my guiding star?

Yes, you pray in fear, I know. 

But with each prayer, a belief in me grows 

I want to win, I want to prove 

Your pride in me is not vanity or untrue.

You who has a hold on me, 

The king, the leader and the braveheart on the battlefield 

And you say you aren't braver than me?

One look from you, one wish that escapes your lips 

Are my purpose, prayers and peace.

A storm you surged in a lovelorn teen 

Refuses to die down after so many years in between. 

Neither your title, nor your beauty 

Neither your skills nor your duty 

You, in existence, upon this earth 

Whose lotus feet blessed upon my cold heart 

Makes it a home, with strength and will 

Who, tell me, is as brave as thee?

© Suranya

Am I Brave Enough?

You come home with scars and pain 

Yet I know your heart never heals, 

With my most skillfully made balms; 

The scars of betrayal by your own 

You have learnt to live with and grown, 

What else could you do?

Yet every time I promise to be brave 

Smile through your goodbye 

Trying to fight back my tears 

For the sake of a title that weighs 

While you ride away to the horizon 

I wish I were as brave as you.

You say I give you the will to come home 

After every battle, big or small, 

You win or lose, it doesn't matter 

You will always be a hero in my eyes.

But there are times when no news arrives 

For days, weeks, and months 

Some say the troops are moving 

Others report them losing 

Some say you went missing 

And all I can do is pray harder 

For I am not as brave as you, 

To pick up the sword and lose my honour; 

But am I as brave as you? 

You can rise from losses and win 

You say I am your strength. 

But every time I embrace you. 

My hands tremble in fear; 

What if this is the last?

How can I be your strength?

I always fear, pray and panic. 

For I am not as brave as you.

If you lose a battle, you fight another 

If I lose, I will forever be the mourner 

Because in my heart, as selfish as it may seem 

The only thought that comes every evening, 

Over the motherland, soldiers and sons, 

As I pray with trembling hands is:

"What if I lost you?"

Now will you call me as brave as you?

© Suranya

Not Brave Enough

 Letters that were lost in transit 

Taken for unanswered questions. 

People who went missing in wars,

Mourned as dead, yet with flickering hope.

She wished to step into the arena 

Sword out to defend her cause. 

She wished that she were 

Brave enough to shed blood.

But all she heard time and again 

Was a voice in her mind as a reminder 

"You are only a woman. What can you do?"

"But I am the richest in the world" 

"They say it's because of your father"

"But I am brave."

"Not like your brothers."

"But I love him."

"You aren't brave enough to confess."

The wine spilt over the carpet. 

Soaking in blood red stains 

The title over her head 

Loomed like a death sentence. 

The cost of her life was his death, 

Whom she could not mourn in public.

© Suranya