Distances

 The sun sets in

His part of the world. 

It rises in hers. 

In between, 

The Sun travels the distance 

Between them.

© Suranya

Martyr of Love

 For all the times I believed it's true, 

I had searched the world for You.

Up in the mountains, down by the seas, 

Dense in the forest, by the fort's gentle breeze.

Dawn and dusk, winter and summer, 

I have looked far and near.

"Magic and love", they say, 

"Are illusions, never stay in their delusions."

But woke every day, with a faith stronger 

Couldn't wait for you any longer, 

And in my darkness searched Your light, 

In my eyes, Your holy sight.

It was just when I started losing hope, 

It was then that I couldn't cope, 

That You showed Your true might.

My dawn meets Your dusk, 

My morning meets Your night; 

And in every moment You make me realise 

Love isn't an easy task, 

But for it, fight, we must!

© Suranya

How Are Stories Shaped?

 Words crawl on empty pages 

Taking the shapes of stories. 

Stories we have seen, 

Heard, lived and experienced. 

Stories that were true, 

That we wish were true. 

Stories of what could have been 

And those that are not. 

Stories of what should be. 

Plots melt into subplots. 

Characters now have life. 

A mind of their own. 

And when they speak to you 

Often saying, we would not do this. 

And then the writer submits to the plot. 

As though the strings of fate 

In that parallel world 

Had never been in their hands. 

The characters tell their own tales now.

© Suranya

This Is My Journey

Today I was going through an old box of memories. Cassettes, scrapbooks, slam books, Mills & Boons, Tintin comics, Meg Cabot's Princess Diaries series... And I chanced upon a journal I used to keep back in college. I had no idea how it got mixed up with the school notebooks and teenage hobbies. I fondly remember keeping a diary every day back then, since my early teens, well into college. Even if the day was uneventful, I would still end it by writing down what happened. The random page turned to 23rd March, 2013.
I don't remember what happened that day.
But I wrote that I was crying alone in my room.
I don't remember what the argument was about, but I had blamed myself for everything bad around me. Back then, I was neither aware of my mental health nor could I recognise toxic relationships. Perhaps because I was in one. I had quoted every word he said that day. I had even asked myself why I was with a person so self-absorbed (I perhaps couldn't use the word selfish). But in the end, I blamed myself.
I blamed myself for not being the person he hoped I would be. I blamed myself for not loving him the way he wanted to be loved. I blamed myself that I was not being someone else.
I blamed my looks and bank balance because he expected "better". 
Reading the words today made me feel uneasy. Perhaps because I had grown into a woman of substance from a girl with dreams. Perhaps because I know today, "It was not me. I was just trying too hard to be someone I was not." Perhaps because today I know I deserve better. I expect better behaviour from people. And most importantly, superficial show off is not what I want from relationships. I learned it the hard way. Nobody tells you that being with Narcissists gives you a lifetime of trauma and triggers that affect you mentally and often unknowingly ripple into your other relationships. I live with those traumas and embrace my triggers as a part of who I am. And I am grateful I kept diary entries every day.

© Suranya