Change

It was summer when you left. The storm had plundered the city; another brewed in my heart. You were the familiar smell and flowers > I was used to. You were those familiar roads, that cafe or the park. That story I had reread too many times. Or that movie I watched enough to say the dialogue alongside. I had promised myself you were the taste of home. I would wait for you to return. Welcome you with open arms.

You came back in autumn. Like those leaves that wither away, feeling useless to the rest of the world. You hoped to find the home you once chose to leave behind. And I had opened the door in anticipation. But your hug felt strange. Your smell wasn't familiar. Your words didn't make my heart race anymore. There was a huge void between us, and the silences were just blank, awkward and weird. I had unknowingly let you go. I have unknowingly adapted to the unfamiliar tastes through time. Danced in the rain alone. Become too comfortable in this unfamiliar feeling of loneliness that most people dread. Perhaps I have changed too much in between the seasons. Or perhaps it is you who has changed. But I know for sure you aren't home anymore. I am. Everything has changed.

Loyalty

Here is a thing about Loyalty. It's a constant and conscious choice you make. Towards people. Relationships. And situations. It is the choice you make when you are on a diet to pick up the apple while a black forest pastry sits staring at you. It's the choice you make when you keep a small promise to someone who trusted you with their secret. And it's the choice you make to wake up every day thinking of only one person you see waking up beside you, or appreciate their effort to make your life easier. Loyalty once lost is a conscious choice, too. It's never a mistake when you choose to be disloyal. And here is the thing. Most of the time, no matter what you say, you won't regret being disloyal. Because by then, the person, relationship or situation is not as important to you anymore.

~ Suranya

Loop

And it just so happened that I chanced upon a purple chariot. But, unlike fairytales, perhaps inspired by our reality, it led me nowhere, and went in a merry loop round and round, to come back to the same place.

SURANYA

Spectator

Will you be a silent spectator 

To all these mundane lives?

Living yet not alive 

Awake yet not awakened; 

They seek You in the afterlife.

Smile at their innocence

Forgive their sins

They know not what they have 

They know not what they seek. 

Work your wonder on their way 

Enlighten them towards light, 

I know they blame 

You for all there isn't 

Ungrateful without reasons. 

But you know my Benevolent One 

They are but a part of You, 

Forgive all that they search outside, 

While they can't see the Truth.

~ Suranya

Yet Another Story

I sometimes feel like getting lost, 

In the world in my mind's eye 

Where my emotions live, and so do you, 

Your name and your memories, 

Let's not tell this dark world 

That story yet to be told.

Those mountains and seas call upon me; 

Don't you also feel like running away someday?

Holding my hand and seeing the world 

Through my eyes?

The colour of the sunflower, 

The greenery of the eucalyptus, 

Standing, witnessing the sea beach, sunset 

Or at the top of some fort 

Imagining what life could be like? 

The world is so big, our story so small.

Somewhere someday, it will be lost 

In the memoirs of the past 

But you and I will live on, 

Through yet another story.

~ Suranya

Secrets

 To Mars and Moon you travel, 

Their secrets you unravel;

Yet the deepest corner of the seas 

Still remains the greatest mystery. 

Just like the way you look around 

Judge people with your mind so sound, 

Yet it never resonates with you

To discover the person within you, 

You perhaps remain your greatest secret, 

And yet you never regret 

To count everyone's mistakes.

© Suranya

Silences

HAVE YOU EVER LEFT WORDS UNSAID, HOPING THEY CAN HEAR YOUR SILENCE?

~ Suranya

Narcissism

 Flaunting my achievements and needs 

I admire my grandeur and skills; 

I care a damn for what others feel.

I pretend to like you more, 

Say the things you want to hear, 

But all I want is to win your heart 

Because you resisted me from the start.

And now that you are here for me 

My challenge to myself was successful. 

I am pleased.

Let me take you for granted and see,

Never bother to show any gratitude for your deeds,

Not letting go of the toxicity, 

I will make sure you feel inferior and suffer from anxiety, 

That's how I make a universe out of me.

© Suranya

Faith

 On the darkest night 

When thoughts fight a battle of no might, 

Wrapped in an embrace 

You hold me tight.

You are a familiar feeling, of home, 

Yet at times suffocating me alive, 

Every day I struggle to survive.

You are yet the muse to my words, 

The only companion through life;

I find you in songs, 

And everywhere around, 

Failed relationships, toxic people, broken hearts, 

But do you know why I hold you so dear?

Love you like one very near? 

Because you choose to stay 

In your own little way 

While everyone else just 

Drifts away.

~ Suranya

Rain of Emotions

 For the thousands of words unsaid, 

Infinite emotions unheard 

Between you and me; 

Letters too heavy to float 

In the cosmos invisible 

Often come down as rain, 

Drenching us in the same feeling 

We are never brave enough to face.

©Suranya

Choice

I have had sleepless nights. Bags under my eyes. A trance between dreams and reality. What I have and what I want. I would snooze the alarm a hundred times.

I leave scribblings all over the place. Notebooks. Laptop. Random pages. I leave stories unfinished. I look for musing. Someone I can compare to all the greatness in the world. Did I ever tell you I muse on things I generally don't like? Like the ocean and mountains. They help me stay unpredictable. I leave behind a story everywhere I go. But I am not good with the ending. Because I am not good with goodbyes. I hate to leave behind a character. I imagine what happened beyond their happily ever after. I often write them down. But never share them. Because you choose your own endings. Happy or otherwise.

~ Suranya