The Ships That Never Sailed

 "I would never love someone like I love you."

I promised in full sincerity. 

To the first I ever loved.

In letters, journals and poetry 

Pouring my heart out in words 

For that was the only way I knew 

To shower love.

But what value would words have 

To the deaf ears of materialism? 

I was blamed for not being like 

The rest of them.

(What does that even mean?) 

And there I stood. Abandoned.

"I would never love someone like I love you." 

I said to the second chance. 

In emails, messages and raw emotion 

Often disguised as crude jokes. 

I was afraid to be vulnerable. 

This time, there was no goodbye. 

Ghosted by humans and memories of the past. 

I was shattered.

"I would never love again..."

I looked at you and lied.

You weren't my first of anything. 

Nor special like that.

Not one who would reassure,

"I am not like them."

How would I know?

I pushed you away because 

I was scared of hurting myself; 

So I hurt you instead.

"I would never love someone the way I love you." 

I looked into the mirror, tired, sleepless eyes 

Unhealthy habits and wary of the body 

I promised myself this time. 

And I intend to keep my vow.

© Suranya