"Are you an insomniac?"
"No. That's a major problem. Mine is different."
"And what's the problem that keeps you awake all night?"
"I am a daydreamer."
"Umm... Okay and....?"
"You don't know how that is, I assume"
"Not really. Is it bad?"
"It makes me happy and sad."
"Together?"
"Yes. I imagine what could have been. It makes me happy.
I imagine what could never be. It makes me sad."
"Why do you do this then?"
"When you dream with open eyes, it really is beyond your control. Those songs, stories, pictures in my head, are all like small scenes of a play."
"Then you should be aware that those are just imagination."
"Well, I try. But sometimes even my own thoughts scare me."
"Why?"
"Because I sit in the darkness and I can hear his voice in my head. I smile. I laugh. I have a mental conversation with him..."
"What if you close your eyes and try to sleep?"
"Worse. I end up putting his face on someone I shouldn't dare to. I shudder like it's a bad dream."
"Are those images vivid?"
"Oh yes. His face. My feelings. The stare. The smile. Everything."
"Then you should perhaps tell him..."
"I know we are not meant to be. And it scares me to death because I can't imagine anyone else's face there. I have never put a face on the dream before I met him, and now I can't even get him out of it."
"Then why don't you confront your feelings? Why run when you should face them and face him?"
"And let my daydream hurt? No. I am good with my own illusions."
© Suranya
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